Serious Problem

I've come to realize I have a serious problem. I mean to post on here and on my comic, but when I get a computer in my hands, I suddenly feel the need to research completely useless information.

For example, I open my laptop, open the browser, go to my bank website to check my balance. Suddenly, I feel the overwhelming need to learn more about The Amityville Horror. Off I go to the Wiki page for it, only to click on DeFeo's name, then to click on something else, then another topic, and so on. Now, you might think that I'm falling into the Wiki-cycle, or a Wiki-hole.

A Wiki-hole is where you get sucked deeper and deeper into Wikipedia. You look up one thing, then you see a link that sparks your interest on another subject, and you quickly open that tab, and go to it once you're finished reading. Eventually, you have 14 tabs open and no end in sight of potentially unreliable information that you will never use in life anyway.

But no, I did a gratuitous amount of research on topics I can't even recall and may quote facts from incorrectly later, then I moved on. I checked my Facebook a few times between adding more movies to my Netflix list, then reading all the comics I have bookmarked, then I was checking that my student loans were up to date, and so on. Eventually, I found my way here, and I realized I have sat here doing nothing worthwhile to accomplish something in life for several hours.

This happens every day. When I get on the internet, I get sucked in so deep I can't get back to where I wanted to be to begin with for hours.

But I did finally get my bank balance checked... Right now as we're talking about it.

Standing

At my previous job, we worked 8 hours and had a lunch of top of it, so that totals to just shy of 9 hours for me. For those entire 9 hours I was sitting. I sat at my desk all day, I sat at lunch, I sat in the car too and from work, and when I got home, I usually didn't have time to go walking or jogging to so I sat on the computer a couple more hours, then went to bed.

I just did slightly short of a full day at my new job. It's 8 hours with the lunch included and today I was there for about 7.5 of it (I got to leave early). It was standing basically the whole time except for lunch. 

Well, frick... My entire body hurts from just doing that. It feels like I did laborious work all day, or that I exercised intensely for several hours. It's sooo painful.

But on the same note, this also feels more rewarding. It just feels like I did real work today. At my desk job, it felt like nothing was ever accomplished, but at this new job, I can at least feel in my aching body and especially my feet, like I am working for my paycheck at a job I already prefer to my old one. Mortgage claims just weren't my calling in life.

Suddently Interesting

Suddenly, I'm interesting! I just got a new job with a printing company. I'm going to be their production supervisor, which sounds like a regular job, but I will be sent to Canada, New Zealand, Brazil, and possibly China, as well as some US locations! Crazy! I have a feeling life is about to get more interesting. The only catch in me announcing this now is that I basically have to spend a year or so training in lesser positions because my position would be to supervise those positions, so I would have to know what they were doing first.

Still, I get to get attacked by strange wildlife, eat foods that will make me get dysentery, potentially ride dangerous public transportation and more! It's going to be like a terrible comedy movie starring Rob Schneider or something. Oh well, at least some of those places get sunshine unlike Western New York.

Flustered to Famous?

Being poor is really hard, but it's much more defeating when you can't afford to move to an apartment because you can't get a job that you went to college and paid $60,000+ for, but you can't get that job unless you move. I've applied so many places, but the big problem is that no company will relocate someone who doesn't have enough experience. I don't have enough experience because I had a car accident a couple of years ago and didn't have a vehicle to get to work and had to leave my job. So I don't have the experience companies want, but no place is hiring to give experience.

And freelance design work appears to be out of the question because nobody in my area wants to pay even half of what the work is worth and the couple of local charities don't feel they need any design done for them. So I can't even get design work under my belt by other means. So what else is there left to do?

I'm beginning to think the only things left to do are either stay at this dead-end job of taking people's money because of their home foreclosures for little pay, or I have to become famous through somewhat random means which have nothing to do with my education. I'm actually trying to ambitiously begin writing a novel of some sort and hope I can strike even .0005% of the gold that authors like Stephanie Meyer and JK Rowling have found.

I'm also thinking that for fun, I might also make some abstract video game paintings. Basically taking some of the major concepts of famous games and boiling them down to a new adaption based strongly on shape, color, layout, etc. We'll have to see about that one. Might be fun, might be a disaster. But at least I have the paints and a couple of canvases already.

Cavalier... Curse?

Well, I managed to get another car! I got a black Chevy Cavalier today. Coincidentally, this is my second Cavalier. They're cheap-y mass produced cars for low-end purchasers. And you know what? I love my Cavalier. I loved the old one, and I'm sure I'll love the new one. This means I can apply to a new design job now! Hooray!

Dolphin Disguises

You can ignore the text on the top of the comic. But basically, I drew this for laughs, then thought it was actually funny enough to warrant letting people see it. All my best ideas seem to start out on a white board where they're impermanent, difficult to change, and often don't look remotely this good.

I'm also very proud of the dragon (or well-disguised dolphin) that I drew. I think he came out pretty good.

Authorship is an Easy Ship to Sink

So I'm re-reading the last post I wrote and I have discovered a sad truth. It was a terrible post. But I'm going to leave it for the world to see. Why would I do such a strange thing? Well, I need to be able to look back on my failures and figure out why they went so horribly awry. Once I figure out the flaw, I can build on it and basically stop sucking.

I want to write. I love to write. It's fun, it's therapeutic, it's just another form of art to me. Maybe I'm not the best, but people who use cliches and repeating adjectives manage to get the world to listen (I'm looking at you Stephanie Meyer.) It's not that I didn't like Twilight. I was so wrapped up in it at first, like many of the girls and women of America. But then people pointed out things I hadn't noticed. And I don't just mean "Her writing sucks." People pointed out that she uses the same phrases to describe things over and over again. "His skin was so cold. His skin was like marble. His face was like stone." So many of her characters are one dimensional and many never learn a single thing or go through an experience that lets them grow. Instead, they survive the experience and are back at what they started at. Plus, this book is just a terrible romance. I'm not going to detail it here, but the way Bella is willing to throw her life away for a boy is so pathetic. We're supposed to believe he's perfect, but he's a scary, crazy stalker. You can look up a million articles about why Bella is one of the worst role models for girls and why Edward is actually one of the worst boyfriends.

Basically, I'm frustrated with myself. I can write better than I have been, but when I get the chance to put my words down on paper or on screen, I choke. I can't think of the best way to phrase things, or I forget the perfect idea I had not moments sooner. Yet, many of my ideas are better than some of the best-selling books or most subscribed to blogs. A big part of my problem is definitely the forgetfulness factor. I think of the funniest, wittiest things all day while I'm at work, but once I get home I don't remember anything except that I had a good idea. Writing it down doesn't do me much good either because even notes don't help me recall the good parts of an idea.

I just wish I could take a month or two from work, student loans, bills, friends, family, and everything. I just want solitude to write and write with little more than trips to the grocery store. I could keep in touch with the world through the internet and let them know I'm alive. I had some ideas drafted or started, but time is also what's killing me. If I could get a cash advance on an idea I could quit work and formulate an idea. I can't turn my ideas into any agents or publishers, however, because while I have the bulk, I just can't manage to finish my thoughts. I can't find an end. I don't WANT to find an end. I feel like some things shouldn't stop and like a great video game, I'm disappointed if it's not long enough to satisfy. But if it's too long, it becomes work.

I'm putting these thoughts out there to express my distress, but also because I was browsing the blogs of other authors and I'm pleased to find their going through these same thought processes. Yet, I'm angry, because if professional published authors are having this problem, then that means it never goes away. Oh well, I guess this post really lives up to the name of the entire blog.